Loving Tandem
Lately, perhaps because we are in the sign of Aquarius, the theme that keeps on coming up in my Yogea group classes has been “relationships”. I always collect requests at the beginning of the class, so I can better address everyone’s needs. For the past month I’ve had requests like: “I need to resolve the attachment to my partner” to “I feel it’s time for me to walk away, but I want to end it amicably”. Some people are mostly concerned with toxic relationships that suffocate and drain their energy. Yet others crave a relationship that would meet all their expectations.
The truth is nothing exists outside of relationship. Nothing can even be described without defining the boundary between what it is and what it is not. Each of us actually lives in a context that not only defines but also supports us. All our relationships to nature, the world, ourselves and others – our parents, friends, and loved ones are a two-way process, in which we meet to exchange and share.
Very often in life we choose our partners, friends, even parents as mirrors. Others merely reflect to us what we don’t like in ourselves. We see in them what we need to amend in ourselves. We pull them in so they can absorb our weaknesses and fill in our void. At first we feel comfortable and secure, but as time elapses we get picky over little things, which are a matter of character and ego, and not so much a reflection of their inner self. We become frustrated, angry, and even resentful. We hold a grudge or become mad, mostly with ourselves. In these situations the “ego” identifies with “mad” and therefore becomes mad. But since this is hard for it to accept, we tend to look for a scapegoat or an external trigger that can bring out the anger and frustration that lies hidden beneath our conscious awareness.
Eventually, giving whatever we were able to give to our partners with love and joy now becomes more and more contrived and unnatural. We begin to avoid them when they become too demanding of us. We do this because it feels as if they are draining our energies. This however is an illusion. Our energy level drops not because our partner “zaps”, but because we shut down our hearts. This temporarily disconnects our ego awareness from our higher self and we begin to feel lonely, taken advantage of, disconnected or depressed. Unless we decide to end this relationship, we ourselves might now assume the role of the needy one. Since our heart feels empty we look for our partner to fill it for us. And this heals the relationship for a while, but eventually forces us to hit rock bottom again. All the emotional stuff that was buried and masked reaches the surface again. And that is because the relationship was rooted in personal needs, and not in mutual growth. Out of desperation we begin to blame ourselves or our partners for what went wrong. In such a state of guilt we can never receive a clear resolve.
Often, the resolve is always somewhere in the middle. And the middle zone is a place, free of expectation, resentment, guilt or attachment. In that mutual dance of give and take and take and give we reach a place of non-judgment. Once we know how to fill our own needs of wanting to be loved, and enjoy the freedom to love without condition, we are no longer disconnecting from our Higher Self and thus remain in our heart center. It is then our partners also spontaneously stop putting demands on us. We begin to see right through the neediness of our partner or friend and what we see is their fear of not being good enough. So instead of pulling back from them and shutting down our heart center, we feel compassion and forgiveness and we open our heart to them even more. Because we connect more deeply with our own essence we also notice their true essence and consequently are able to accept them in our life without condition and without judgment. We no longer feel suffocated but instead we have the freedom to love without condition. In the same way, our partners will stop pursuing us in order to derive satisfaction and comfort for they will find peace within their own heart space. Our relationship is no longer based on needs, but experiences a renaissance based on the mutual outpouring of love. Once we are able to keep our heart open to those who need us, be it lover, parent, or friend we will experience a diminishing of our own need-demands too. Unless we fully love and accept ourselves unconditionally, we play both these needy roles but they serve as our guideposts in learning about the duality nature of life. The frequent and sometimes intense oscillations from wanting our needs fulfilled by others to being needed by others gradually become balanced and end altogether.
Visually, I’ve always exemplified the synergy of relationship through the Scandinavian Rune Oracle. In the rune pack the 6th stone or symbol is drawn as an “X” and the interpretation is “GEBU” or a loving tandem achieved through mutual offering. The divination translates it as “giving of oneself in order to discover who you really are”. Only when we offer ourselves fully and unconditionally into a relationship can we receive the blessing of recognizing ourselves in others. Only then every relationship becomes a gift, a great blessing for everyone involved because it allows us to experience these dualistic aspects of life in a concrete and tangible way. Like the arms of a cross merging into a central singular point, all opposing values find their common basis in the heart consciousness of the person who experiences them, regardless of whether he is aware of this or not. Once we have learned enough about the opposing parts of life, we are ready to see them as unified. This creates a new type of relationship with others and the world, one that accepts everyone and everything just as they are. So, too in our relationship to the world we must always receive and always give to remain alive – a natural by-product of attending to the ways that relationships enrich our lives.
Yogea Mudra and Breathing practice to resolve relationships: Loving Tandem
This Yogea mudra, breathing and meditation practice is derived from the whirling Derwish meditation- that guides us into bridging the personal and the universal when tackling self-identity and relationship issues. The practice centers around the way we relate to ourselves, spinning us into a whole new orbit of our relationships with others. Inner scooping of energy resources is balanced by an outpour of love to contain us in our heart center. The Sufi hand placement of sustaining Earth and Sky is augmented by Vedic “Ida & Pingala” (the masculine and feminine energetic pathways in the subtle body) mudra variations to further balance the dynamic of our relationship with ourselves, others, nature and life. The meditation anchors us into a place of self-love so we can truly experience devotion to others. The practice is a celebration of human compatibility as an integral part of the web of creation and manifestation.
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